Until Now

Is it wrong to want to shout in someone's face and beg them to just tell you their feelings?


That's what I want to do pretty much everyday right now. I hate the feeling of being crazy about someone and not being able to do anything about it cause you don't want to ruin what you already have going. It makes my head hurt just thinking about it. Part of me knows that I have some growing up to do. The other part of me wonders why I'm not good enough how I am right now. Why can't we be together WHILE I grow up? 


The thing is, while it might hurt and drive me crazy every single second of the day...he's worth waiting for. I've never met anyone who can make me think about things I've tried to ignore. I've never met someone who makes me want to listen to slow songs even though they used to just make me depressed. I've never met someone who makes me want to do something right with my life, no matter how scary it might be. Until now.


I wish that it was as easy now as it was when we were in elementary school. Writing a note saying, "Check yes or no." Why is it not that easy? Why do we make things SO, SO complicated? Everything is complicated and it's not fair. 


Maybe that's why I need to grow up. Because things aren't simple as a grown up. Things change. On the other hand, maybe that is the part of me that is right. How will I ever know?


In closing, here are the words to a song that really make me think of someone. Well, certain parts of the song do more than others. Enjoy.


"Vanilla Twilight"
Owl City


The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere
'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here
 I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly
 The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly
 I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone
But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone
 I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone
 As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight
 When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again
 And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here


Vanilla Twilight


Peace & Blessins,
College Girl